1/13/97
"Have You Had Your Break Today"
(I haven't)
(An article telling you why NOT to work at McDonalds)
"IGA is better," Hillary says. "Nelsons is better," is Matt's
usual response. As I sit in school and listen to Hillary and Matt fight
about where they work I think to myself, "I work at one of the biggest
corporations on the planet (and one of the least friendly)". Do you want
a job that starts at four seventy-five an hour and the job description
requires you to do little "physical" labor? Did you answer yes? If not
than you have a job, and if you answered yes than you just put yourself
in my place. I work at McDonalds one of the biggest energy draining,
high stress, and uncomfortable jobs in the world. You have seen the
commercials dealing with the new Arch Deluxe, "the burger with the
grown-up taste". You know why they say that? It's because you need the
mouth of a teenage basketball player to bite into the damn thing. I get
to make them. My best explanation to you is to build a beautiful ham
sandwich and than build three million more (in twenty seconds and along
with fifteen other kinds of burgers). It is the closest thing to hell on
earth, and guess what I get in return, a warning that I'd better make
them right (from the ever observant manager) and a novelty pin. This is
all about the people, the specials, the deals and the burns. I can't
think of a better way to spend my weekend than in a hot, cramped grill
area covered with "Special Sauce".(Mayonnaise with a special name and
food coloring). Welcome to the fast food business and if you aren't fast
and "friendly" to customers that treat you like dirt, than you had
better find a better job (that shouldn't be that hard). If you think;
that if the pay and hours are right and nothing else matters, think
again.
As a grill person you are literally the bottom of the food chain.
You make the food and then counter takes the food from you, giving your
lovingly made product to the customer.(who devoures it in ten seconds
and doesn't care what it looks like) You are treated like slaves and
your problems are no ones concern. The "best" thing about McDonalds is
it's large (ever-changing) menu. As a customer you say "Ooo, look a new
burger," and as a grill person I say "How do you make it and how long
does it take." The Arch Deluxe has about ten toppings and takes close to
a minute to prepare. "So what," you say, it's only a minute (eternity in
my buisness). Well, thats just a minute if you are in a quite room,
alone, making it just for yourself, but when you get a call back for
twenty of the little suckers, ten without bacon (you're out of tomatoes
and you have two pieces of bacon left. The sauce shooter is out and
counter wants you to get fries (forty pound boxes downstairs and they
need three) it takes a good five minutes. To long and the customers are
whining and you are getting yelled at (because the customers are
whining).
The next thing is the "great" summer months. The little league bus
comes in and we bust our humps making cheeseburgers. Cheeseburgers
aren't that hard, but they slow use down when the tour bus comes in with
thirty full grown men with stuffed wallets and fifty inch waists (all
wanting a mac and a arch each). Needless to say when you see a bus come
in full of these men you might as well try to cook all of the food in
the store, 'cause that's what they want. This goes on through the day
and then closing staff takes over. That's what I usually work. Have you
ever got de-limer in a cut? You might as well cut your arm off because
it hurts like a $^&ch. Not to mention the fact that while you try to
scrape inches of grease off the appliances (everything must be close to
spotless before you leave) you have to continue making burgers, after
all you only get thirty minuets after close to get out of there. The
reason for this is the fact that you have to get up at seven the next
day and McDonalds closes at eleven and when you live twenty miles out of
town you are lucky to get to sleep by midnight. Some people always say
"It isn't that busy all the time. It slows down around nine-thirty".
Oops, you forgot the movie crowd when we get twenty people all hungry
for the "new " burger. (Looks like everything is dirty again.) Oh, I
almost forgot, when it is seventy degrees outside it is about a hundred
degrees on the grill and we can't wear shorts.
Did I tell you about the "special" printer? Have you ever asked
for a hamburger without pickles? Well we have a delightful machine that
prints out the slip for you than emits a high pitched screech that could
make your ears bleed. (we get them for every kind of nuggets too). It
surprises me greatly that the thing is still in one piece, because I
have imagined crushing it to pieces many times. This little device
sometimes produces a slip every ten seconds and you wouldn't believe
some of the slips we get (not to mention that they are written in shorthand
so they take about an hour to translate). Ever thought about eating
a cheeseburger with everything (including Mac sauce) except the meat.
And there are a million other combinations. As a McDonalds worker you
learn to hate this contraption. Now to the list: the ever-changing menu,
the "new" burger, and the delightful summer customers add a slip every
few seconds (which must be prepared with ever loving care and sent up
right-a-way).
How about the stupid special deals you see on TV. You know the
ones, One Mac for forty-somthing cents and the temperature deal in the
winter which means calls like twenty-four quarter pounders and a few
hundred Mac (on toasted bun. Never, EVER ask me to sing the song) "You
have to get some benefits," you say. Sure we do, have half off (not
free) food (only when we work and only once a day) "What a deal," you
say, but when you work all day making the stupid burgers and you are
covered with grease and you smell like the burger you want to eat;
nothing, aside from a cold soda, is appetizing. I could almost tell you
what is on every one of those burgers in my sleep and I have only worked
there for seven months.
The final thing that makes working at McDonalds so insane is the
burns. Oh, don't think when you work with four hundred degree grills and
fry vats you don't get burnt. The vats are the worst, because when hot
grease splatters on you (ever put fries in a fry daddy, do that with a
pound of frozen nuggets. It splatters all over everything) you can't
brush it off, because you burn your hand, so you get to sit there and
watch it burn through your skin. So what, one more scar. Then comes the
grills, we have two. One is flat, which means it only has one surface
like your grill at home. You don't usually get burnt on that one (unless
you think it is off and you set your hand on it). The worst grill that
burns you is the clam grill. Just like it's name it has three pieces one
flat part than two hydraulic pieces that are like two separate grills
these fold down over the meat and then open up when the meat is done. If
you don't keep the grease off the grill, it splatters on your hands
when you try to get the meat up and onto their trays. When that happens
you jerk your hand and catch your knuckles on the five-hundred degree
top piece. (boy that feels great. Nothing like loosing a good inch of
skin) So soon you learn not to jerk your hand and take the pain. "You
must be stupid to get burned," you might say. Well, if I stuck you back
on the grills for one hour, during rush hour, and you don't get burnt
than you are the best (or extremely lucky).
So that is a small overview of the job that I do every weekend
while you work your small comfortable jobs (Christmas trees aren't this
bad. Believe me). Remember me and remember this, I still haven't covered
the beautiful assortment of colorful wraps or the holidays. So from now
on when you think of ordering a special burger please just pick it off,
and when your family says let's go out and eat say "let's go to
Hardees," (they need the business). "Why don't I quit," you ask, because
I know what I'm doing and I'm used to the pain and the stress. Oh, and
one more thing, that sign, underneath the "Golden Arches" that says
twenty-three million served, that isn't since when McDonalds started
that's today. (Now, for those of you that are still immature, I never
met Ronald McDonald and he isn't my boss).
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